Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
