I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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