I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
