I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
