I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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