3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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