You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
