in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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