what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
