smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
