I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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