I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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