do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
