all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
