she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you inspire me to be a worse person
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
