And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
