I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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