awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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