i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
