the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
