just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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