the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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