I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i love accidental penises.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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