I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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