So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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