I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
