well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
