making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
