he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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