I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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