I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He has the fingertips of a God
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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