I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
