I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
