Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
