you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
