My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
false alarm, still single
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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