I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
