I think my vagina is haunted
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
