More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
