so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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