last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
