Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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