Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
