dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
