I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
