My Higher Power is John Stamos
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
