Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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