You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just google imaged poop.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
