I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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