My sheets look like a crime scene.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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