you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
