at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
