Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
