Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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