i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
