I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
