I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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