eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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