so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
