lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
