woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
