She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
