Already got asked if we're dating
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize