Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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