if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
