Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
