dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
