I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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