You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
