so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
