Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
