So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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