I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
