I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize