Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
