Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize