wat bout pragnant strippers??
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
