the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
