he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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