this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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