so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
