so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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