just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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