I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
