When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize