we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You took a bar mat shot.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
