he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize